Proverbs 18:14-15

So yesterday, the task oriented individual that I am was faced with a challenging decision to make: take care of my physical state and go to bed early or take care of my emotional state by having fun until God-knows-when. I was feeling quite physically and emotionally drained yesterday but I was also aware that I had not had a good time with friends (away from schoolwork) in a long time and felt my heart state being very low and restless.
 I expect that for many, making this kind of decision would have been easy to make, but to me, it was a hard one. I was really torn between reasonability and fun. And so, I resorted to turn to good old Proverbs for advice... I don't usually just randomly pick a verse from the Bible for instantaneous counsel but yesterday seemed to share the exact advice I was hoping for. Here is what I found:

 ¹⁴ The human spirit can endure a sick body,
      but who can bear a crushed spirit?

 ¹⁵ Intelligent people are always ready to learn.
      Their ears are open for knowledge. (NLT)

And so, there you go. I went out with girlfriends yesterday and care for what seemed to be the wellness of my heart instead of my body. I decided to try something unconventional to my habit. Result?? I had a great time, went to bed in early morning, AND woke up today g way more rested and alert than what I would have hoped, ready to attack school again. Funny how things work out sometimes. Is this a life lesson or simply a circumstantial hazard? I guess only time will tell.

Until next time!

Lily

Learning to Hear

Father, how does one speak with You?

For in light of my honesty,

Speaking to You

Is not the challenge.

Quite frankly,
To me,

Speaking 
Is 
The comfort 
Of

A controlled 
Action.

With sin, as my heritage,

The desire to control,

Is inkling too natural to ignore.

When I do choose to speak,

I, myself become the topic,

My own interest, the concern,

My personal worry, the urgency.

The knowledge that

I have been heard

How I wanted to be heard

Is where my satisfaction lies.

No, speaking to You is not the struggle.

How does one speak with You,
Is what I wonder!

How do I hear You,
How do I listen, to You,
In dialogue dear Maker?
Oh One, whom, I cannot see!

How does one wait in peaceful silence?

How does one relate to the Almighty Voice?

Is listening then, a passive action?

Is it simply to wait and say

Nothing?

Or is listening maybe, active?

Is it to actively respond

To what was heard?

Lord, if speaking with You is my desire,

Then why do I struggle so?

Hearing from You,

Receiving Your words,

Acknowledging Your voice,

Listening, Father,

Is the task which I struggle to perform.

Is it true, Lord

That patience in faith

Is a virtue

You delight

To see

In a faithful servant?

One is then to wonder

If patiently waiting to hear

Your gentle,

Your heavenly voice

Is an active action

In itself.

So many questions,

With You as my topic,

With You as my concern,

With You as my urgency.

Lord, I plead with You,

That

As I learn to wait,

As I learn to hear,

As I learn to listen,

You allow

This heart to be patient,

This heart be faithful,

This heart be intentional.

Allow
This heart to simply become

A friend,

Your

Friend.

The Craftsman’s Maze

You greet me with a smile,

With those eyes…

Your eyes, they say to me

“You are, truly,

The most Beautiful

Thing in the world!”

But as wise,

A crafter of emotions,

Carefully,

Your words,

Your actions,

Express the very mastery of an art.

With games for two,

In a maze from you,

I get lost.

So carefully,

So artfully

Crafted,

A path to love,

Never to be found

You created.

All your actions

Lead to love;

This is

The illusion

You created.

Blind in my innocence

Little did I know

That never

Was I meant

To get there.

To you,

It is a sport,

To get there,

To my heart.

When, to my heart

You hit

Using the name of Cupid

In vain,

The story continues

That

One more broken heart

Is left

Alone and confused

With
For only companion,

Broken hope.

Now,

Still,

I remain 

In this maze.

Now,

With the purpose

To find my way

Back.

Using disillusion

As my compass

To leave

This forsaken place,

I stay far away
From where

I started,

Swearing 
To never again

Fall

Into another

Craftsman’s maze.

Making it now an

Impossible challenge

To be fooled again

In the name of Cupid

By a simple smile or gaze.

Adieu

Je me rends compte

Que le problème

Est que je m’ennuie.

Ma famille au Québec,

Mes amis au Québec,

Ma culture du Québec.

Mes amis là-bas

En Colombie-Britannique,

Je n’ai même pas eu le temps

De vous dire adieu.

Bien honnêtement,

Je n’aurais pas voulu.

Je n’ai toujours pas accepté

De tourner la page

Je ne veux pas.

Oui, j’aime mon autonomie,

Ma belle solitude,

Mes idées d’indépendance,

Mais, J’aime encore mieux

Ceux

Qui me tiennent à cœur.

Vous dire aurevoir

Me fait mal;

Pour trop longtemps,

Vous dire à la prochaine,

Me fait mal;

Je m’ennuie.

Mon mal,

Ma douleur,

Est que vous me manquez.

Est-ce que vous souhaitez

Que je sois à vos côtés?

Appelez-moi folle,

Mais ce mal,

Je préfère le garder

À mes côtés,

Je ne veux pas l’ignorer.

Je veux vous porter

Avec moi,

Toujours,

Dans mon cœur,

Dans mes pensées.

Nos souvenirs sont nombreux,

Nos sourires,

Nos moments,

Nos calins,

Et nos pleures aussi.

Ne dites pas adieu,

Dites que je vous manquerez,

S’il-vous-plaît!

Ne dites pas adieu,

Parce que mon cœur

Ne me le donnera jamais

Ce droit, de le dire,

Adieu.

Noisy Mind!

My mind is so noisy!

All I want to do is to create,

To think,

To spend time with people!

When I sit down to read for school,

My brain,

Simply does not want to take it.

It bombards me with random thoughts, ideas, memories…

It is so frustrating

Not to be able

To focus.

I just want to work on the task at hand

But my brain refuses to let me be

Academically productive.

Dear brain, SHUT UP!

I hide away from the noise because I say that it keeps me from focusing

I hide away from my room because I find it too constraining

I hide away from the school because I want a change of scenery

To every solution, I find a problem

Why am I so DISTRACTED?

Self, I know what I need to do.

Homework!

The will power is there,

I am willing

To put in

The time to work

But the brain power refuses

To work with my will

…Then, I wonder,

How strong is my will?

How long should I stare

At a page

Before my brain

Chooses to function?

Rereading sentences

Over and over

Becomes quite

Discouraging,

It gets frustrating.

How do I discipline my mind?

Am I tired?

Am I lacking some vitamins?

Omega 3,

Maybe?

I already worked out today,

So, that can’t be the problem.

Seriously! What is the matter?

I can’t allow myself a break

From doing nothing

All the time!

It is clearly not logical

It feels quite counter productive.

I feel overwhelmed!!!

I need good marks!

God! PLEASE!

HELP?

2 Corinthians 10:5

We demolish arguments

and every pretension

that sets itself up

against the knowledge of God,

We take captive

Every thought

To make it obedient

To Christ.

So Father, please!

Let me make captive my thoughts.

Give my mind discipline.

Give me a sound mind

Please,

Take away my fear of failure,

Let all I do be done out of Love,

Not out of duty,

And this,

Father,
Includes

My school work.

Lord, let my mind worship you,

Even when it doesn’t want to

So that someday,

I may,

Have the tools to do

What you want me to do.

I understand the season of my life

I must pursue my very best

Use this gift of opportunity

In every season,

So, I pray,

Come what may,

Let it be,

Your will in me.

Amen

Words

Sometimes, words only feel like words.

Funny shaped lines stuck one beside the other,

Referencing to an idea of the mind, of the heart.

What a peculiar concept…

There to express what I don’t understand,

I use them to try to explain to myself my own emotions,

Those that do not dare be expressed by themselves alone.

I use words to express what I wished I understood,

I try to better understand my heart with them.

From writing, sometimes I feel better understood

At other times, I feel more lost than before

Words are only words.

Why do I give them so much importance?

Why does anyone?

Sticks and stones can break my bones,

But words will never hurt me?

Words have built me,

Words have hurt me,

Words are healing to me.

Peculiar concept, are those words!

To think, that the use of words is what can affect

A person’s self-perception,

A person’s decision,

A person’s day.

And so, I say,

Sticks and stones

Can break my bones,

And words?

This heart,

Always

Will they touch.

Friendships?

Sometimes, I forget.

I forget why we need friendships.

I forget that me, myself, and I are not enough together.

I forget that my God is a God of relationship

I forget that He wants to be my friend, my family.

I forget that he wants to be with me every step of the way.

I forget that although my relationship with Christ is priceless,

My relationship with others is also.

I forget that God is the perfect definition of community

Community, through His own person,

The Holy Trinity;

God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit;

All are different but all are the same.

I forget that what is worth it is always hard work.

I forget that relationships are always a risk,

I forget that friendships are never easy,

I forget that my relationship with Christ requires effort.

Through it, we all have gained our salvation, our hope,

But through it, some have lost their lives, their comfort,

And through it, others have won their lives back, 
They have found 
Satisfaction.

I forgot that, by accepting Christ in one’s life,

Although there is gain, there is always risk,

Like in every relationship.

Like in every relationship, there is struggle,

There are joyful moments,

Moments of peace,

Of gentle silence.

There are moments of laughter,

Moments of discomfort,

Of quiet anger,
Of secret shame.

Moments of brokenness,

Moments to be supportive,

Moments to be supported,

Moments of selfishness,

Moments to argue, to confront,

Moments of hurts.

Nonetheless,

These are moments.

Moments with a friend,

One who cares,

One who is present,

Involved.

Here is

what makes friendship

so important.

The gain of relationship is always priceless,

With Christ and with people

But in friendship,

Although at times,

There may be awkward moments,

With a real friend,

There will always be

The right,

The comfort,

To be fully

Oneself.