Once Upon a Difficult Time...

Maybe that all I need is some God-time-me-time.

But shouldn’t God time only belong to God? 
Why am I in this equation the benefactor?

But me-time without God, is there such a thing?

If God is in me, whether I choose 
God-time or me-time, 
Isn't it still all His Time?

Me-Time or God-time?

I am lacking in both.

The lack of friend-time makes me miss  
Me-time-God-time.

What time?

Why time?

Time,
This very needed thing 
That slips 
Between 
Your fingers.

Please! I need
Silence…

Peace…

Lord, 
My cares 
are few 
but they are present.

They faintly shine before me, 
Begging for attention but,

I cannot give in.
I will not.

I say no 
To this distraction

That is,

My heart.

It feels as though by pursuing a dream,

By trying to make it closer,

I pushed those near my heart,

Away from my attention.

My obsession on success

Has made me a disinterest to those who liked me.

But friends are there in all seasons.

It just hurts to know that the interested number

Is few.

And the irony,
Is that thankfully,
In Time,

I have learned much,

I have grown much 
and my tolerance
Has grown much.

In His Time,
God makes a season
For every moment,
There is a time. 
And in due Time,
God-time-me-time
Will happen 
again 
in
Silence and
in Peace.

When I was busy being busy, I never noticed that I had a heart. I took for granted that it was beating.

But today, I chose to stop. I took the time to listen to the rhythm of my heart… and I noticed that it ached.

While I thought my heart was working healthily, it was bleeding. A small little crevice was letting out a small inconsistent squirt of crimson blood letting my life, slowly drip, between my fingers.

I was trying to survive as the fittest but being the fittest is only a myth that I fed myself to control a future in which I have no say. I had been bleeding but was so rushed by the adrenaline of performance that I forgot about the limits of my humanity; of this frail body.

A body can break. A body can be wounded. A body needs to be tended to. This heart, it needs God and it needs friendship. It needs time, for herself.

This heart has needs.

My mind may desire to control every part of my being but without the heart, the mind is pointless; the body is lifeless.

I give back this special place to my heart; this place that only a heart can successfully fill. Yes, mind and heart should be aligned, working with each other and not against. There is such a thing as concession that needs to happen even inside my soul. Mind and heart need to be friends. No more judgement. Both have weaknesses but with each other relying on Christ as ultimate reference and foundation, they will prevail to give me the peace, and satisfaction that I deserve to feel out of my life.

Lord, take my cares away, fill my heart with your joy again. Drench me in your peace and give me your ability to manage the unmanageable. Teach me priorities in more than just work. Teach me how to prioritize every aspect of my life into harmony. Make me a maestro of the tasks you grant me. I want the ability to make melody out of a mundane task and a challenge. Let me glorify you in all I do and please, Lord. Make me aware of the good that I do, and the things I need to work on. Please help me see clearly. Teach me to see things in perspective, viewing the whole picture.

Side Note: I found this in my computer without a date on it. I don't remember when I wrote this. It might have been this semester or last...