Natural Beauty

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Journal Entry - March 14th, 2014: Relationship with my works, relationship with my God

March 14th, 2014
Lydia, it is not your works that I want, it’s you.
Your works are just a method I use to love you, to show you your worth in my eyes. I know that you, doing this gives you a sense of satisfaction and you find joy in serving Me; so I let you be led by my Spirit to serve Me.
---
Ignite in me a flame that never fades; a flame that only burns stronger.
---
What are you ready to lose to follow me this way?
---
Your answer goes here.


Welcome to a small glimpse of my quiet time with God. I wanted to share this because I realize that way too many of us Christians put too much emphasis on works and performance. We focus our energy on doing things for God and forget that beyond the motivation to do things, our heart's hidden desire should not be to seek God's approval but to seek His face. Especially coming from a pastor's home, I got to see first hand the different relationships with work and worship that can be had amongst the members of a congregation. Faithful to the saying "monkey see, monkey do", in my own way, I struggled with spiritual perfectionism through the means of performance and works.

And then, I have to remind myself that God approved us when He sent His Son to die for all our wrongs: past, present, and future. The price was already paid. So, this need for performance and this urgency to do for God rather than spending time with God needs to be explored.

Works and Faith
Faith without works is dead (James 2:26). I get the feeling that in our North American culture, we have it in our minds that if we do much in the church and everybody in the congregation approves of our behavior, God does also. No one says it. But through observation, that’s the sense I get. A few genuine or unknowingly self-righteous people with good intentions tell you what to do, what they need and expect from you and assume that because they asked, “yes” is the answer they should receive from you because the request is for the “advancement of the Kingdom”… but, who’s kingdom are we talking about, really?

We must be careful. Scripture is clear: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind and love your neighbor as yourself (Luke 10:27). In my books, if you are so busy with “ministry for the Kingdom” (i.e. for your church, para-church ministry, other organization, people or project) and your time with God in the secret place is scarce or inexistent, you are not making God a priority in your life but others. And that is not the order of priority that God requires.

If God did not find primacy in your schedule but church ministry has, you are putting people before God. Be watchful that you do not confuse people’s expectations for God’s Instructions. No matter how much conviction, enlightenment or human authority a person seems to have, don’t forget the basics: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind and that Jesus is the way the Truth and the light, none come to the Father but through Him (Jesus, that is). So, if Jesus is the way that leads to life everlasting, be watchful not to idolize godly people and confuse their voices for God’s.

And you can tell the difference because one voice will match the Word of God, IN CONTEXT. This means, that you can’t just read your Bible like some people blindly read the news from a pop magazine or the horoscope to help you make a decision for your day. If you truly care about walking with God, treat your study of the Word like your favorite topic and learn everything you can from it and about it. Don’t let people tell you what it says. God gave you the responsibility to use your brain so take the responsibility seriously. Intelligence and critical thinking are gifts and talent to be invested that have a place in the Kingdom.

I say this because I have sadly witnessed too many times, passionate and strongly opinionated people feel like their convictions sounds a lot like the voice of God and say things like “this is not the way of the Lord” or “The Lord told me…”. Look at all the disasters our world has gone through because of it. Careful people. Even with good intentions we can be misled. We remain sinners saved by grace and God instructed us to be part of a community with which we can grow in maturity, encourage, challenge and be challenged. Be smart. Read your Bible, learn it, understand it… and STUDY it IN its CONTEXT. The Bible says that the Lord calls His sheep and they know His voice. But, His voice sounds a lot like the Word of God. For this reason, test EVERY spirit against the word of God (1 John 4:1). And remember that as you follow God (and pray and/to read the Bible to understand it), it will bring division (Mt 10:34-37; Lk 14:26). So, don’t be surprised that as you learn to let your yes be yes and your no be no, that some people will not be happy with you. But that’s ok. Even Paul in 1 Corinthians, had to justify his actions to the Church of Corinth because they were judgemental of him. And he used the Word of God and sound thinking to explain his stance. If Paul experienced the need to do this at times before believers, do not be surprised when your time comes also to find people disapprove of your obedience to the Word of God… even in the church. And if we are going to go there, Jesus had issues with the leaders of the Jewish faith and He had come to fulfill the Law. God looks for obedience to HIM first (1 John 5:3).

Jesus treated Sabbath differently and he treated people in opposition to the religious culture He was within. But, by doing so, He was still obeying God’s will and following the Truth of Scripture. As we learn to decipher between works and worship in the way we serve the Kingdom, I think that in our study of Scripture, we must also differentiate between culture and Scripture. As written in John 15, Jesus came to do His Father’s will and we are to imitate Christ. If in the beginning was the Word and the Word was Christ, then our instruction should come from the Scriptures first, not from people. Don’t allow anyone to guilt you into saying “yes” when you mean “no”. If you are unsure, pray before giving your answer. Just like Gideon, sometimes God will require us to do something we do not want to do, but He also gives us the grace to do so. For this reason, when you accept something, keep in mind that the person you are saying “yes” to your Father in Heaven to do His will, not the will of man.

Obedience and Conviction
There will be many times when obeying God will look like honoring our elders and the authority set above you as instructed by Scripture, keep your basics and ask God for wisdom and discernment because there are wolves dressed in sheep’s’ clothing in the church. This said, we must remember that the people set above you as authorities are under the same grace from God; needing mercy from Him every day also. So, don’t expect perfection or feel offended by every mistake are made from the pulpit. As Jesus has grace for us, don’t forget to exercise it also towards others. If you want to find perfection, look to Christ, not people. By definition, people are imperfect sinners; so if you keep them to a standard of perfection, it is a guarantee: they will disappoint. In their role of leadership, they are learning also. They will sometimes inspire and at others fail. Don’t let that shock you… if you, in your fallen nature have the potential to make mistakes or misunderstand a part of Scripture for a season of your life or confuse concepts of theology at others, don’t hold a human who was granted with the responsibility of leadership complete disapproval for doing what you do yourself. Remember to keep an eye out for the staff in your own eye.

Pastors’ mistakes don’t necessarily make them unworthy of your respect and submission. They should (as anyone) have your respect and unconditional love regardless of the wrong done, but as a follower of Christ, you know this already. But for submission, it is a command and you need to go to Scripture to see how God wants you to approach this in any context you may be in. God commands us to pray for our leaders. There is a reason. The enemy is here to kill, steal and destroy, and the church is the bride of Christ. For this reason, it would make sense that they experience a different kind of attack and stress than you might be. So, have compassion, and remember that they have their own fights to wrestle through even if they come with a smile every Sunday and the right advice every time you ask.

If you have an issue with the authority above you, instead of scoffing, gossiping and complaining about what you would do better if you were in their shoes, PRAY for them as instructed in the Basics. And if, after praying you have a nagging feeling to need to address a specific issue with an elder, follow Scripture to understand how to approach this person (1 Timothy 5:1).
But at the same time, remember 1 Corinthians 14 and in Romans were the variation of convictions according to the Holy Spirit is discussed as varying from one person to another. Paul is clear that we have freedom and we need to be watchful of what we impose to others and how we impact others by our actions or omission of actions (1 Corinthians 10:29-31 to 1 Cor. 11:1)

I am writing this bit on authority, because I want you to take a step back and look at the people whom you may feel are asking too much from you at church. I encourage you to have perspective on them, and remember their humanity and the place that God holds in this picture. In my experience, perspective will keep you sober minded and help you to critically address this feeling of guilt that you may have from feeling the need to say “no”. Feelings are not always right. So, don’t let them constantly govern your decisions even if it pleases some people. Look to please God first. And God wants you and your time! So, as you serve, make sure that you are acting from a place of worship and not of guilt-driven righteous living. Remember that many will prophecy in Jesus’ name and God will not recognize them (Matthew 7:22-23). Your works will not save you. God sent Jesus to do the perfect work because you could not. Loving God and walking humbly with Him will (Micah 6:8).

About that journal entry
God is a Personal God. He wants a relationship with us. And when we spend time with Him and draw near to Him by spending alone time with Him (James 4:8), reading Scripture and praying, in this one very special space (called “quiet time” or “prayer closet” – Mt 6:6) where we intentionally can interact with Him and He draws nearer to us and reveals more of His Truth to us. In my experience and from what I have observed, sometimes, He reminds us that He loves us, sometimes He gives us new perspective regarding hidden Truths in the Bible, at others, He challenges our perspectives. Some of those moments also look like us ranting, asking too many questions, and being frustrated with God and the state of our lives and we do not seem to receive responsiveness from His side. And some of those moments, we spend time praying and declaring the Truth of God by telling Scripture back to God regarding specific situations.

It’s a relationship. So, just like in any genuine and deep relationship, all veils of intimacy are removed one by one as we learn the beauty of God and learn to receive His love, grace and mercy towards us. Trust takes a while to build. For some, in their walk, it comes right away, for others, it takes time, lots of mistakes along the way and it also requires the counsel of others to help us address varying emotions or thoughts we may have towards ourselves or others that we project onto God.
For those who have received Christ as their personal Savior, you know, like me that Jesus is alive; that He sits and the right hand of God and intercedes for us. You know that God hears us when we pray as mentioned in 1 John 5:14.

Remember the Gospel. Remember that Jesus really does LOVE you; He cares about you. God sent His son Jesus so that the broken relationship caused by sin may be restored. He did that on His own initiative. He took care of EVERYTHING. We have a religion where we do not earn the approval of God, we are granted the gift of sonship or daughtership only by saying “Yes, I receive the gift of Salvation. I believe that Jesus is the Son of God”. No sweat, nothing to prove. Just plain belief Jesus Christ the Lord. When Jesus was crucified, one of the criminals asked if he could be with Jesus in Heaven, and He said yes! On that cross, that man had no time to act in a way to earn God’s approval by doing good works. God is good. He is gracious. He takes care of it all. And this man is in Heaven with Jesus right now, because He believed.

So, about your performance. It holds a different value to God. He does not need it. He receives it… but at the end of the day, what we do is an investment in eternity (1 Corinthians 9:24-27). So, our actions become a partnership motivated by gratefulness and obedience rather than obligation and necessity to perform. This said, we should do everything with excellence that the only thing people have against us is our relationship with God; so slacking and being apathetic are not God glorifying behaviors (Ecclesiastes 9:10;2 Corinthians 8:7; Philippians 19:9-10).
More than performing or serving Him, God wants us and our devotion to our first love: Him! While we should not omit that faith without works is dead, we need to remember that God, in His mercy and grace sought us when we were still not aware of the beauty, majesty and tangibility of God in our lives.

And I really get the impression that the place from which we serve the Lord, should not be to please those around us or make sure that people’s temporal situations get better but to bring glory to God as an act of gratefulness for what He has done for us on the cross. I feel like the motivation for serving should be the love that we have for Him and the freedom to live for Him and serve Him. I feel like this obligation approach can be connected to the concept of law, rather than the gift of love granted by God through Jesus.

For me, all this brings to light the passage the passage that says: “In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths”. As you live a life where you make Him your priority, before serving in any context, make sure that God remains the centre of your life (and schedule) and as serving opportunities come, remember that God already won the war. That He picked you when you could not help yourself for His glory alone. So, if He could do that for you, He can do it for everyone else. As you serve, remember that you are in the passenger seat getting to do what you have been graciously blessed with talent to do as act of worship to Him. He molded you with these gifts because it pleased him to see you excel in them. God loves you and as you delight in Him, you will learn to love and appreciate yourself too and enjoy sharing these gifts even more. That’s the God we serve: a God who delights in us and gives good things to His children.


Now, I encourage you to spend time with God ask Him what He thinks of your schedule and why?
If you are not familiar with spending time with God, I could tell you how to approach your quiet time with the Lord or I could encourage you to seek for a hidden treasure and draw near to God. So, let me put you on a quest my friend.

The Word of God says that whatever is pure, honorable and of good repute to fill our minds with these things. It also says to make disciples of all nations; which consequently means that we are to be disciples of someone else who imitates Christ. So, here are some resources that may help you on your quest to learning to spend time with God and learn to hear His voice:
  • Read your Bible. Start with the New Testament; in there you will find lots of practical information about prayer and seeking God’s will.

o   Take the time to ruminating on passages that talk about prayer (days or weeks or months!) and learn to understand what God is really communicating. For example, to learn how to pray, you could go to Matthew 6:9-13. I remember reading this for such a long time and praying and learning to understand all that this implied.
I heard someone say that he does not desire to read through the Bible once in his lifetime but he desires to let the Bible through him at least once in his lifetime. I agree. Reading the Bible should not be a rat-race but a careful treasure hunt where each new find can become one of your most prized possessions.
  • Asking insight from different people in your church or environment who seem to reflect the character of Christ and have shown wisdom as well as the fruits of the Spirit
  • Book: How to Pray by R.A. Torrey (amazing resource!)
  • Honestly, just google on Google or Youtube: Quiet time and listen to varying perspectives. But in your research, remember that a strong connection to Bible reading should be part of their advice. Just do research, like for anything else that fascinates you.
  • Buy, borrow or rent books on the topic from people who seek to help people understand what Scripture is saying and desires to see people honoring God with their lives.

Now, if I show you this journal entry again. This time, what would you answer when faced with this question?

My child, it is not your works that I want, it’s you.
Your works are just a method I use to love you, to show you your worth in my eyes. I know that you, doing this gives you a sense of satisfaction and you find joy in serving Me; so I let you be led by my Spirit to serve Me.
---
Ignite in me a flame that never fades; a flame that only burns stronger.
---
What are you ready to lose to follow me this way?
---
Your answer goes here.


P.S. Please don’t take this journal entry as a reflection of someone who has it all together or perfectly walks with God. I go through seasons of struggle with dry spells and frustrations with God and my life situation just like everybody else. But I do know that my relationship with God is very real as with any other person I would call friend and I do fight to make Him the centre of my life even if I don’t always do it perfectly. Sometimes, I’m ecstatic of spending intentional time with Him, at others, I have to kick myself. It is truly a battle to remain faithful to God. But amidst the back and forth of fighting to be closer to God and remaining disciplined in my pursuit of Him, I am confident that we have the victory at the end of the day. So, while I tug-o-war in my walk with Christ, I have peace that nothing can separate me from the love of God because He paid the price once and for all and what God gives He does not take away.

Friday, March 25, 2016

It's a Good Good Friday

The day you drew your last breath,
On that cross,
Is the day that you made it clear:
Your actions showed me that,
I was made to be loved,
Perfectly
Unconditionally.

That day,
You wrote to me
A scarlet letter
With the ink of your blood,
Defying the religion
Of good works for salvation,
You invited me,
To be Yours only.

When you called me from the crowd,
Looking past my mocking eyes
And my self-righteous self,
You invited me in,
Offering your heart as my home
And eternity as my resting place.

You saw my broken state and simply loved me.
You did not ask for my best behavior,
You did not ask for my resume.
My aptitudes were of no importance to you.
You had one goal in mind.
It was simply to love me,
Because that is who You are.
Asking simply,
That I love You in return.

Accepting a gift of freedom,
A gift of forever relationship,
A gift of forever peace,
You granted me joy,
Unspeakable.

No longer orphaned,
With Love from a perfect Father
I have now found a home!
Through the love of a Son;
His Father's gift
For a world, He created
That did not recognize
His value.

By Your grace,
I said yes.
Now adpoted child,
As I look into your face,
I see grace.
As You gaze into mine,
The reflection of a selfless Child,
Is what you see.

I have yet to be perfect,
But you love me still.
You took me as I am,
Loving me as I stumble forward.

Kinks and all,
Regardless of my mistakes,
You patiently love,
Even with my stubborn flaws,
You patiently mold,
When I am still resistant of growth,
You patiently wait:

For me to learn to turn the other cheek,
For me to love You most,
For me to love myself well,
For me to love my neighbor best.

You love because You Are.
And I love because now,
I am Your reflection;
I am all yours!

As I learn to be more like You,
Today I remember that this love story began
Because when I was still a wretch,
You loved me first.

Reference:

Isaiah 53:5-12

Monday, January 18, 2016

Not Just Another Saturday

It was one of those Saturday mornings. Waking up hoping to spend extended intentional time with God because all this week, my time with Him was shorter than I would have wished; finding that I tend to spend more time fighting for alone time with Him than actually enjoying my time with Him. I prayed a little, committed my day to Him and quickly had to start to get ready. There was this event at my church that I was excited to go to: a workshop on learning how to plan your life in line with God’s will. Epic!! I know J

As usual, on Saturdays, I turn my brain off and just want to extend the amount of time I can stay in the cozy of my home, so before I knew it, I was going to be late for a church event on “planning my life” – the irony! To remedee the situation, I decided to request an Uber driver and waited for him to arrive.

The app said that he was coming in 5 minutes, so I decided that this was enough time to scarf down a bite or two before the driver’s arrival. Thankfully, he came a little later than announced, which allowed me to eat to my heart’s content.

When he arrived, he apologized in his foreign accent for his lateness and proceeded to fight with the Google App to get the voice over option to work. He must have been in his late-50s.  A sweet Middle Eastern man with a crown of white hair covering his head and gentle eyes that complimented his face.

Seeing him struggle to get the app to work, I offered to use the Googlemap app on my phone and we resumed our drive to the church. Like in every Uber ride, out of courtesy, I always listen to see if the person is (or if I am) in a chatty mode. Before you knew it, he was sharing his love for Persia, his beautiful country of origin that was taken over by Iran just several decades ago.

The conversation eventually switched to religious views when I asked what the main religion was in Iran. Before answering my question, he first said: “I am not a religious person”. The answer was Muslim. Confident in what I believe and in the God I serve, I did not challenge his view. I simply listened to him share his perspective on the world and about religion as I quietly prayed and waited upon the Lord to lead this conversation wherever He pleased.

To my surprise, when he finished his explanation, he asked me what I thought about religion. I was shocked. In my experience, people are often quick to share their view about the world, bashing the church and religion assuming that their view is educated and accurate; not welcoming other perspectives differing from their own. I was prepared to have a friendly conversation where I would listen more, ask questions, pray and share as much as the Lord put on my heart to speak – very little was my expectation. So his response, to say the least, surprised me.

This said, I accepted his invitation to share my belief and spoke according to 1 Peter 3:15. I explained that for the most part, humanity was born with an innate sense of right and wrong. A small child knows or experiences the traumatic effects of abuse even if no one ever pre-conditioned them to understand that it is wrong. Humanity (as a general rule – aside from those with severe mental or emotional imbalances) understand that murder is wrong, was another example.

I shared how many societies function according to the understanding that there is something in this world that is greater than ourselves. Many cultures have a type of value system which involves religion in some way, shape or form – this comes from the theory of the collective unconscious by Carl Jung. If all of humanity has had this innate reflex to seek to serve the Greater Purpose, maybe something needs to be said there.

As we drove by a hospital, I explained how institutions like these go against the Darwinian survival of the fittest theory that suggest that only the strongest should survive. If it was truly the case, why do we work so hard to find cures for those who are so weak? According to Darwin, these people should not need to live if they cannot do it by their own strength.

I agreed with him that it was wrong for a stream of devout Muslims to lose their lives with the intention of killing others in the name of a god. By I also challenged the fact that there are many devout Christians who accept the path of martyrdom because of their love for God. In these two examples, what is the difference in their response to humanity and death and can we really say that they serve the same God?

I shared with him that I agreed that we should do good actions, love each other, serve each other and be nice to others. I explained how these are the things that Jesus teaches when He says “Love your neighbor as yourself”, He says “no greater love is this than the man who lays his life for his friends”. I shared how Jesus lived by example, loving His neighbors to the point of death on a cross; that He exemplified good actions and serving each other.

I explained how even while we do good actions, the motive can be selfish: I do good because it makes ME feel good. But to do good with a pure motive, we need help from the One who holds pure motives; namely, Jesus-Christ. Jesus laid HIS life for US, sinners. He died for those who put nails on his hands and feet.

We are sinners because we never needed to be taught to do wrong. No one teaches us to lie, throw a temper tantrum or hit our siblings. To the contrary, we need to be socialized to do the opposite of those impulses. The Perfect God created a perfect man to have a relationship with Him. When this relationship was broken by sin, God set a plan to restore this relationship to Him by sending the perfect sacrifice to pay the price: His Perfect Son had to die on the cross for us.

This is the type of perfect selfless love that God calls us to. When we accept Jesus-Christ as personal Lord and Savior, the Holy Spirit comes to inhabit our hearts. It is with the help of the Holy Spirit that we are able to love others; not because it makes us feel good, but because God IS good.

Honestly, it felt like the words were just flowing out of my mouth. After a while of talking though, I stopped myself because I wanted to make sure that did not monopolize the conversation. I paused and asked for his thoughts on what I just said. I was curious.

He responded in his thick accent by applauding and saying “I see that you are a lecturer”…. (In my mind, I was thinking: “Oups! That is not what I was going for! Is that a good thing?”) He said that he had nothing to say and agreed with me… which again, threw me aback.

As I listened for a response, and none came, I figured, that it was my cue to keep talking. So I shared about God’s love for us. How He has taught me the best and deepest lessons through long seasons of hardship. That the things in life that were meant to put me down, God turned into good: He used these times to sharpen my character. I explained that God wants us to “be Holy as [He] is Holy”. I explained that just like one must put a raw piece of gold through fire to rid of its imperfections, so must we go through the fire of life’s hardships to come out the other side, purer than we previously were.

We eventually arrived at the church. My blabber-mouth had run out. He parked and said: “I love Jesus!” I was so moved by God’s work in that car! Before I left, I asked if he wanted to accept Jesus into his heart… he said YES! I cried, just humbled by God’s work in this man’s life through me! So speechless that God would use someone like me who does not have it all together! And so, we prayed together that he may invite Jesus be the Lord of His life. Before I left the car, he kissed me on the cheek, thanking me for this gift of obedience.

I am still in awe at the glory of God. Let’s not forget to make every moment a time to be open to be used by God. He wants to use us for His glory. So many siblings in Christ have not yet been awakened. So many brothers and sisters in Christ are not aware of their Loving Father waiting for them with open arms ready to love them as His own. We need to remember that in every situation, in season, and out of season, our expectations and God’s plans are not the same. It is our time of intimacy with Him in the secret place, our study of the Word, our study ABOUT the Word (reading books and commentaries, doing in-depth research, listening to teachers and preachers) that will help equip us to be effective for His Kingdom at all times.

This is the first time I ever led a stranger to Christ. I always had, and still do have the perspective that in the Kingdom, some have been made to sow and others to reap. I always saw those with the gift of evangelism as reapers and saw myself as a seed planter: sowing the Love of Christ wherever I go; letting God work His master plan through the hands of the whole family of Christ all equipped differently to love those who do not yet know the love of God in different ways through independently unique gifts of obedience at different times. But I guess, God can use whoever, whenever. And I guess, roles and seasons in our lives change sometimes.

I am sharing this because a Truth was strengthened in my heart that Saturday. When we are quicker to listen than to speak, to God first and then others, with the help of Holy Spirit, we learn to hear the heart of a person. We learn to hear what they have not said with their words. Our mind is silenced to their words and we allow our hearts listen to theirs. Holy Spirit speaks to the heart. We need to keep our minds quiet before the Lord, not only in the secret place. He is the one who seeks the lost, we are only blessed enough to be sinners saved by grace God chooses to work through to make His glory known. No matter our knowledge, we have nothing to show for; only obedience and humility to express our love to a Gracious and Loving Father.

Now go. Seek His face and let Him work in you, so He can work through you.

Praise be to God!

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Marah, that Bitter, Bitter Place

In a bitter place, where exhaustion was felt and miracles had been forgotten, an entitled cry for help was heard.

Rather than patiently waiting upon a Loving Father's provision who had proven that He always provides, this resentful cry was anxiously demanding that basic needs be filled rather than to peacefully ask for and calmly wait upon what God had already planned to give.

Forgetting that He is called Jehovah-Jireh, worry muted out of  their minds the meaning of His identity. Why was it so easy to omit to consider the many times where He has done as His character indicates?

He knows our needs and knows where He is leading us. He is Jehova-Rohi.

He sees our valleys before we do and knows of our peaks before we reach them. He is El-Roi.

Still then, no matter how many times a person walks and talks with the Lord; no matter how many times El-Elyon provided through fulfilled promises and miracles, immediate need seems to quickly blind a person to the provisions of the past, and the Truthful Promises of His Word.

What a patient, loving and gentle God is One who constantly reminds, constantly provides for a dependent being who often forgets that he is the servant and not the master.

Thank you for your love & patience, Abba. Please restore my heart and mind that I may have all my faith & hope in You. Help me that I may faitfully pray and be positive and hopeful as I wait upon You. Remind me of who I am in You, I plea. In Jesus' precious & Holy name I pray, Amen.

Biblical Reference: Exodus15:22-26

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Heal in Time... continued

I love how things never stay grim for long. Weeks after being able to put into words the weight on my heart that had been lingering for too long, as I was reading over this poem, these words came to mind... I like to think they came from someOne greater that I :)
 

Wisdom found me in my times of trial to share with me an insight.
While it is impossible to change the rhythm of the song that Time makes,
To help me win at the game against Time,
She whispered to me this secret:

Make patience an art, Make Joy a lifestyle and Make Time a friend.

Heal in Time

My heart throbs.
It aches for what once was.
The irony is this:
I left it alone!
I walked away from a painful present situation to allow it to become
But a simple sad memory…
And still,
My whole body aches from this broken heart and this bruised body.

With all the strength of the mind, bearing the scars of others’ sin upon my heart,
I finally commanded my body to walk away from this broken relationship, from this pain named Constant.
After numerous nights of questioning and doubting,
And aching and crying,
I finally created distance between this Constant Pain and I!
“Victory!” I sang.
Yet.
When all seems quiet, when all seems peaceful,
Boom boom, boom boom…
The sound of my heart is what I hear loudly resounding in the cavity of my mind.
To my dismay, I noticed that my body is still swollen from the injuries.
My mind desires nothing more than to leave what once was alone!
Yet, the ache in my body makes this endeavor feel
Simply impossible.

Leaving the past in the past is my earnest desire.
But this unwarranted injury is a reminder that,
No matter my urge, no matter my intention, no matter my effort,
Nothing but Time will heal this bruised body and this broken heart.

O Time! Peculiar character…
One through which we exist,
One without which we cannot!
Being its own entity, it will not be rushed, it will not be pushed.
It heals well, but it heals when it wills
And none can fight its will.
Time has what we do not:
Control.
We cannot walk away from it.
And to make matters worst,
Time plays a game with moments to which only it knows the rules.

Time has its game, Time has its tune.
Time has a rhythm that none can tame.
It created a melody all its own 
Not a note can be changed!

Now then,
If only in Time I will heal,
I must allow my heart be mended,
Moment by moment,
To the sound of a tic and the song of a toc.
I must accept that to the beat of Time,
My deformed body and my battered heart will smooth themselves over
Time’s pace remains and its purpose does not change.
Only Time can choose when the moment is right
To see scars appear where flesh was once raw.

Tic…Toc… Tic… Toc…
This constant sound, it seems, never fails.
As the rhythm of the song never changes,
Whether one sits to listen to the music that Time makes
Whether one chooses to ignore it,
The rules of Time remains:
In Time, what will begin will be ended,
In Time, what will break will be mended.
Ultimately, the truth seems to be that
In Time,
What will be will be.

So, to you my little heart, and to you my bruised body,
I say
Wait on Time.
For in it,
Your body will strengthen
Once more.
Live in the freedom of forgiveness
And let your heart learn to love
Better than before,
This time, from a wiser place,
This time, from a gentler place,
This time with a quiet strength. 

Remember that Time belongs to Him who Is.
Remember that you are His.
Little heart who loves Him, remember!
Remember that He works all things together for your good,
Remember that He is good,
Remember that those scars are not your own.
While your body has lost its strength, 
It was never meant to be strong
On its own.

So to you, little heart I say
In this secret place where He held you many times before.
Lean into His heart and be weak there,
Let Him heal you, mend you, soothe you.
Let Him love you into being
To the sound 
That His clock makes.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

When God Wants To Drill A Man

When God wants to drill a man,
And thrill a man,
And skill a man
When God wants to mold a man
To play the noblest part;
When He yearns with all His heart
To create so great and bold a man
That all the world shall be amazed,
Watch His methods, watch His ways!
How He ruthlessly perfects
Whom He royally elects!
How He hammers him and hurts him,
And with mighty blows converts him
Into trial shapes of clay which
Only God understands;
While his tortured heart is crying
And he lifts beseeching hands!
How He bends but never breaks
When his good He undertakes;
How He uses whom He chooses,
And which every purpose fuses him;
By every act induces him
To try His splendor out-
God knows what He’s about.
- Anonymous