Until Next Time, Transition.

Dear Transition,

I hate you. As soon as I see the peak of your nose show through the blanket of my comfort, I know that there will be change to pay.

I know, Transition, that change is normal, that change is what makes life, life. It is what keeps things interesting and helps me grow and mature in adaptation. Still, I hate you.

I don’t like the fact that after the bazillions times that we have met, you still scare me. I have learned to recognize your face, your mannerisms. You egg me on in detaching myself or not attaching myself to what could soon be no more. 
Still, everytime. Everytime I try to find a home in the arms of the present reality, I try to ignore you, Transition. Ignore the fact that you, you, may choose to show yourself at any moment, taking away what I dared to call home.

Oh Transition, I know that you never sleep, you never rest. Still, I wish you did. I wish you did rest but I am thankful you don’t.

Yes, many times you have made me cry and wonder : “WHY?”, but you have made me stronger. You have challenged me to make a choice: “Will I be a victim of life’s mishaps or will I be a student, a student of life?” And as you already know, I have chosen to learn, to be a student of life, and this, with no regret.

Still, the word goodbye hits me like a dagger straight to the heart. Actually, no, I wish it was still the case. I have become numb to the pain. Only in the middle of the night does this pain that I have been trying to ignore the existence of, chooses to scream inside my chest. Like a demon, who will not let go of the hold, I cannot let go of the fear to again have to say it: “Goodbye.”.

Oh pain of Transition, I have tried in so many ways to try to ignore your existence. But you who never sleeps will not allow for such a thing to ever be the case. So, Transition, you have won the battle. You will always win the battle and I will always have something to loose.

But wait. Let me be fair to you. You have also brought good in my life. I have made new friends and learned new lessons that have made me a better person. I have been hurt and I have hurt. I have forgiven and I have been forgiven. Transition, you have thought me, reminded me of my humanity, my fallenness and the beauty of my uniqueness.

In all, Transition, I hate you but I thank you. You scare me and although in this, I have learned to trust God, I still fear you, who are unpredictable. 
Can we ever make peace? Will we ever be friends? Only God knows. All I know is your restless existence. All I know is my restless desire for peace and security. All I know is that these two natures are at odds.

But, when I think it over,peace and security can only be found in God. So why do I try to conquer this desire on my own strength? Peace and security can only be found in God who is outside of time, outside of you, Transition. And, in this, you will never win.

So, never will I ignore your existence as you cannot be ignored. But instead of dreading you, I will make the best of every moment I am given, with every being and condition I am blessed with, at this moment in my life, at the present.

 I will choose to let the present be the gift of the season until you, Transition, choose to hand me another gift filled with unknown laughs, tears, lessons, and relationships.

Until next time, Transition.

Sincerely,

                                                                                                                                                                              Lily

" Never say good-bye because good-bye means going away, and going away means forgetting."
Peter Pan