It's One of Those God Moments...

What an amazing captured moment! 

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 My mother always told me:

"Lydia, even if you lost everything in your life, if you still have God, you have everything."

This homeless man attests to the fact that:

Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

 God is God, no matter our circumstances. His love for us never will never end; His love for us is beyond understanding. He gave His life (the life of His Son Jesus) that we may live a life of fullness in Him. He provides hope, joy and spiritual riches that no human circumstance can rob us of. He came to give us a hope from our spiritual longings and fill us with the perfect Love that He alone can provide.

Ask yourself, how can a man who has nothing find it in him to have the strength to bow and sing to a God he does not see? 

Listen. God is real. He is the world's greatest treasure. He is humanity's greatest gift. In Him is found our Hope of Glory. There are riches in this world that were never meant to be conquered, but simply received. God's gift of Love and Salvation (heart healing) is just that.

On top of that, look at celebrities. They have so much, yet, they seem so lost. We were not meant to find fulfillment in ourselves. Our meaning goes beyond our own personal dreams. Once you achieve them, then what? Off to the next dream? When will you stop? Is pursuing goals a chase after the wind or a pursuit to Joy? Ecclesiates 2 in the Bible, talks about a man who sought happiness in all the places the world told him to look and still concluded with this thought: 

²¹ Some people work wisely with knowledge and skill, then must leave the fruit of their efforts to someone who hasn’t worked for it. This, too, is meaningless, a great tragedy. ²² So what do people get in this life for all their hard work and anxiety? ²³ Their days of labor are filled with pain and grief; even at night their minds cannot rest. It is all meaningless.
²⁴ So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized that these pleasures are from the hand of God. ²⁵ For who can eat or enjoy anything apart from him?^{[b] 26} God gives wisdom, knowledge, and joy to those who please him. But if a sinner becomes wealthy, God takes the wealth away and gives it to those who please him. This, too, is meaningless—like chasing the wind.

Countercurrent

An Aimless Pursuit
I am swiming upstream, fighting the pressure, fighting the waters with every bit of strength in my body.

I am alive, so I must fight; fight to go upstream. Many are further ahead than me, many are further away.

I can feel myself struggling. I can feel myself wrestling. All in all, I can feel myself surviving; I must be alive.

As I fight to go upstream, I see others going downstream. Their path seems so much easier than mine!

For a moment, I stop to look at those who do not seem to struggle. I stop to look at those who do not try to fight.

I stop
To envy them.

So, I decided to let go of the fight; thinking that going downstream was better than this seemingly pointless battle of living to simply go upstream.

I feel myself becoming one with this River: I go where she goes. Tickled by the silky strands of this transluscent substance, I slowly feel myself becoming numb, becoming lifeless.

No more do I have Something to fight for! Pretending to be lifeless, I have allowed for this body of water to become my guide. Without a fuss, I go where she goes, turn where she turns, sometimes intercepted by a rock or other lifeless bodies as I follow her lead.

I am now FREE! Free from the fight! Free to go wherever I please. "No more struggles from this moment on", I tell myself. This is how it was meant to be.

As I let the River guide me, I eventually become estranged to time "How long have I been in this bliss void of tension? Am I living? Really?"

Up and down the stream I fall. Without a protest, I go where She goes, the River. And it dawns on me, "is this what living is?"

As the River led me down the stream, lower and closer to where I had begun, I got stuck in a bed of moss covered rocks.

From the abrupt collision, I felt the glaze over my eyes crack as was suddenly awaken from a daze. For the first time since I gave myself over to her, I noticed the beauty of nature around me. I saw the sky, the trees, the plants, the wild animals on the solid earth, living as one. I notice those fishes that were falling downstream and those that were wrestling to go upstream.

As I rested on this bedrock, far in the distance, I heard what sounded like groans and growlings; some sounded deeper and others higher in tonality. I felt strength slowly taking hold of my being again
as I started taking use of my senses again.

Surprised at how distrofied my body had become, I was painfully starting to take notice of my limbs again. But although unexpectedly my strength had come back I dreaded swiming upstream again. I could still see other peaceful bodies passing by and envied them still. Although I was strong again, I used this reacquired energy to push myself away from the rock back into the familiar current of the River. I was comforted by this familiar feeling of feeling myself sinking back under the her sweet caressing waves. But this time around, something was different. I could not help paying attention to the scenery around me. The grownings becoming increasingly louder and more distinct.

My heartbeat was rising as the sounds of splashes of water getting closer and closer. To my confusion, this comotion did not seem to bother my fellow drifters who continued to calmly follow the lead of the stream. Choosing to trust the wisdom of the majority as better than the voice in my own mind, I concluded that this fear of mine was misplaced. So I kept on mimiquing the flow of those peaceful drifters, going where the River goes. Sometimes, however, my numbed mind was distracted by other fishes who were swimming upstream or who seemed to have suddenly waken up from their daze to fighting the River's current. Convinced that the drifters new better, I chose to pretend that I was with the majority. Clearly, I was with those who were making the best of life; those who knew better than to struggle.

But now, the groanings were becoming the distinct cries of a bear and her cubs. The splashing noises had become too close to be ignored. I could not continue ignoring what everyone else was not paying attention to.

All of a sudden, I felt a claw scratch my tail and, alarmed at the reality of death being near, I started taking use of those muscles that had mysteriously started to strengthen a while back and began to fight to go upstream again.

Going Upstream
This time, not looking back, I swam for dear life! Although I was not completely sure what was laying ahead, knowing where the River led was enough to convince me that swimming against her current was wiser than being a drifter.

I had chosen to live! While I was now gladly swimming upstream, I kept on picturing what could have happened if my muscles were still distrofied; if I had abandoned myself completely to the River's lead.

As I was now fiercely swimming upstream, I sometimes purposefully altered my path in order to bump into a drifter who may have not been unaware of the dangers that were laying ahead.

Often I was completely ignored. But I could not help but continue to try to warn others of the value of swimming upstream.

Regardless of the rejection from the majority, regardless of being part of the minority going upstream, at least I knew the reason why I was choosing to swim against the River.

There came a part in my journey that became seriously steep. I was surprised to see that we were many there trying fight to go up this particularly strong body of water. Although I had been struggling until now, I felt myself struggling for real this time. As I was battling to continue upwards, I witnessed many fellow swimmers fall back into the numbing arms of the River.

Stubbornly refusing to go back under the rule of the River's deceptive streams, I kept on trying to go over this strong stream. It seemed that this practice of fighting made me feel weaker and weaker although I somehow still found the energy to keep on trying to go to the top of this River.

My battle against the River was a difficult one! I would go higher in the stream and fall back lower and lower and then swim higher than before... to fall lower again. When I felt myself getting discouraged, I remembered where my life could have ended and I remembered the stories I heard about the top of this River earlier in my path. For a reason hard to explain, those were the memories that gave me the energy I need to continue upstream.

Until that faithful day where I suddenly mysteriously reached the top!

At the Top
What a beautiful sight I am now in! The water is as clear as cristal and food is easy to reach. The stream of this lake is so gentle, it is barely noticed. No more struggle in this beautiful scenery; only peace to be found. We are many here to enjoy true rest. In this wide lake that feels infinite, there seems to be always more to explore and enjoy.

But one day, as I was wandering this peaceful water with my new found friends, I asked one of them why so many drifters would ignore me as I tried to warn them of the dangers that lied at the bottom of the River. And of them to answer:

"Friend, only those that are alive can swim upstream."


Reference: Ephesians 2:1-10

End7

Sometimes, celebrities got it right... End 7 Official Website

Be entirely His.

"I have manifested your name to the people whom you gave me out of the world. Yours they were, and you gave them to me, and they have kept your word."

John 17:6

The missionary is one in whom the Holy Ghost has wrought this realization - "Ye are not your own." [...] 
Our Lord makes a disciple His own possession, He becomes responsible for him. "Ye shall be witnesses unto Me." The spirit that comes in is not that of doing anything for Jesus, but of being a perfect delight to Him. The secret of the missionary is - I am His, and He is carrying out His enterprises through me.

- Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest_Sept 4

How Great Thou Art (Amazing Version)

Wide is the Way (Matthew 7:13)

What a challenging message. It left me speechless, perplexed and quite evaluative of my own heart and my own motives: What am I truly living for? What does it mean to follow Christ? Am I really wanting to follow Him or is this a spiritual quick fix that I have chosen to embrace? I mean, according to the early psychotherapist Carl Jung, we are all spiritual beings who, according to the collective unconscious need to believe in something. By accepting to "follow" Christ (whatever that means), is my only purpose to make myself feel better, find an answer for what I don't understand, be a good person, try to have a better life and/or guarantee my ticket to Heaven?  Did I just pick Christ because He is the One I grew up knowing or is Christ crucified (the Son of God), who rose from the dead (and is now ALIVE and dwelling in Heaven), the Lord that I choose to serve?

One cannot serve two masters. I will either love myself or love my God. But the reality is that I am at war with myself in order to be able to love my God. I want what I want when I want it how I want it. And God, the engineer and maker of the universe wants me to be His, period... He wants to be the One I want, at all times, in everything. How badly do I want to be His? How badly am I desiring to live for and serve Him?

In retrospect, a person in love wants to share with the world the love that they have for this special someone. Why is it that we are surprised that when a person encountered the love of Christ and truly experienced and embraced it, desires to at their turn, share it with the world? God loved us first did He not? He shared this message of Love to the world, and at our turn, the Lover of our souls desires to see us do the same for Him... so why? Why do I find it so hard? Why is receiving His love and intentionally sharing it with the world so challenging?

If you've been reading some of my blog and think I'm a little off sometimes about this God stuff, here's a little soul searching for you that may help you understand where I'm coming from:
1. True or False. At the end of the day, when I am alone with myself, away from distractions, there is this whole in my heart that feels infinite and seems to never be filled or truly satisfied... permanently.
2. True or False. Two main things I long for: love and hope and I will go at any depths to get them (or avoid them if I have been taught that I was not worthy of them).
3. True or False. I like to be the god of my own life and do things my way when I want and how I want or I like to pick who will be the person, people or group that I want to identify with.

If you've answered yes to all of them (or most of them), ask yourself why is it that a finite being can have a hunger that can never be fulfilled? Why is it that a finite being who evolves to survive as the fittest feels such a deep need for what he cannot touch or truly explain? It doesn't make sense. If we are beings whose focus is to survive on this earth as the strongest and eliminate the weak, why do we battle existential question that go beyond the life that we do have and that is truly is tangible? Shouldn't death only be seen as a fact and not an element of anguish? After all these years of being on earth, you'd think that humanity would have made peace with the fact that the only thing that matters is on this earth is the time that we breathe? So why does the soul experience angst at the idea of finding an explanation for what happens after we are no longer breathing?

Here's the thing, let's assume that the Bible had it right when it said that we were made in God's image. It would make sense that as reflections of God, we would have a touch of Him in us. We were made finite but we were created with a desire for the Infinite; a desire for Him. Only an infinite Being can cause a finite being to desire what is Infinite. Where does that desire come from?

God, who is a God of community (God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit, 3 in 1) created us to be in relationship with Him. This is why the craving for the infinite exists. But in Love, He gives us the option to Love Him back; because true love does not control. Just like a child has an innate desire for their parents, so do we have an innate desire for an Infinite Creator. Just like the child needs love from their parents in order to be functional and lead a positive and healthy life later on, so do we as we are weaned from our primary caregivers, realize our need to find love for our souls that will give us a hope and a confidence for the future. Do you see that in so many natural relationships are a reflection of the character of God?

Interestingly, we go to relationships, friendships, careers, substances, create titles for ourselves, and pursue all these things that still leave us empty. We resolve ourselves to the idea that life is not fair or that misery is a state of being that needs to be drowned or quieted through a variety of methods. All these methods work for a time, but they never last. You need more; always more; always more intense than the last time.

If trying to do things to serve and soothe yourself does not work, maybe something needs to change? There is a saying that goes as follows: "Insanity is doing the same thing over again expecting different results." Could it be that all this energy you are putting towards yourself actually be meant for someone else? Maybe someone who is associated with your soul craving of peace, love, and a guaranteed place with your Loving Father up in Heaven?

Lord, You placed this desire in my heart. Please ignite it that I may truly be the devoted lover and worshiper that You had intended me to be. Let me truly be Yours.

In the precious name of Jesus Christ,

Amen.

P.S. I love to listen and I love to talk. If you want to discuss or hear more just shoot me an email :) Hope you're having a nice day, wherever you are.

Start Again

Start again
To where you began.

If you lose strack,
Go back
To where you strayed,
And make sure
This time,
To avoid
The road
Most travelled.

     Stay Focused.
             Stay on track.

And if,
While you walk
Through this road 
Called Truth,
You still
Feel
Lost,

GO BACK
To what you know
Is worth living for.
My friend,
Continue to push 
Continue foreward,
Keeping in mind
What
Really
Matters.


*Reference: Philippians 3:12-14
                 Romans 7:14-25

Peter's Walk

Here I am, standing against two abstract realities of Nature: water and air... as I am looking to the One who made them both.

Like Peter who chose to step out of the boat and walk towards You,
I suddenly became aware of the roaring waves crashing around me.
It only took a blink of an eye for me to realize that I was standing on top of the sea;
It only took the notice of a flash in the sky to realize that I was presently standing in the middle of a seemingly infinite body of water!!
Maybe it was the fish brushing against the soles of my feet that made me aware of this new point of view;
Or did I get this sinking feeling in my stomach from the awareness that against all odds, I am standing on something over which I have no control??

At the present, all I can think of is 
The boat that I was just on.
I never recognized the comfort of standing on solid wood 
Until I stepped on water.
Oh! How I envy this man-made stability 
That I was so familiar with!

Blowing, 
The winds are still blowing. 
Sometimes with gentler strokes of air, 
Sometimes with stronger ones.
I am constantly on guard as I advance 
On this mystery 
Called the ocean.

These cold winds, 
They are blowing on my arms 
They are whirling my hair in all directions;
This wind!
Giving me goosebumps and threatning my balance...

Although the winds are strong, somehow, my feet are firmly planted on this body of water.
I see my Savior at a distance, waiting for me to come join Him.
Aware of Peter's mistake before me, I choose not to doubt that I can walk on water.
With every step, to keep me from sinking, I silence the voice of my doubts,
With every step, I struggle against the laments of my fear so I can keep my eyes on Him. 
I choose to praise Him instead and remind myself the He is the mighty God, Maker and Commander of the sea itself.
And so, in faith, I walk towards Him trusting that the God I serve will not let me drown...

Lord, teach me to love the wind, the waves and the fishes that keep me company as I battle to keep my focus on You and strive to keep my feet moving in Your direction.

In Jesus' Precious name,

Amen.

His Morning Song

Tossing and turning,
She was trying to protect herself from the shy strip of sunlight that was dancing on her face. It was 5:30 AM. "I am not getting up!" she thought to herself. She kept on fighting, like every morning, for those extra hours of sleep before she had to start her day.

Like every morning,
She heard the still voice saying: "Wake up! Let's go for a walk."
She heard a small voice singing: "Come away with me, in the morning..."

She had been ignoring him for a time now; letting him be on his way.
She avoided him so she could protect her sweet soothing slumber. But that particular morning, the voice sounded clearer, it felt louder. Recognizing that it was long overdue, she complied and responded to this morning song that has been serenading her for too many mornings without any reciprocation.

Slowly,
She sat up and gave herself time to let her consciousness catch up with this sudden decision to go for a walk... before the 6AM mark. Resignating herself to the fact that it was going to happen, she got dressed for the occasion, put on her runners, stuck in her earphones and walked out the door. As she turned on her music, she was pleasantly surprised to hear a mellow song playing; gently waking up her dazed mind from comatose.

The air was brisk. The morning was was peaceful.
Still in a state of drowsiness, she took in part of this fresh air she was surrounded in as she allowed her memory muscles to lead her to this park that she loves so. As she was passing by the houses and seeing the cars passing by, she noticed the secretive majesty of nature finding its way through the concrete of the suburbs.

She was not too far from her house when she walked by a bush she passed by many times before.
But on this serene morning, she was stopped by a host of birds springing out of it to find another leafy hideout. The unsuspecting passerby was delightfully startled by nature's unexpected motion picture. After such a beautiful introduction to what was to come, she kept an eye open for other surprises and hidden treasures that she might notice on her way.

A grin had found its way on her face as she realized who she was spending her morning with.
At this moment, a burst of joy bubbled inside her soul as she felt humbled to the fact the he wanted to spend time with her. She held on tightly to his affection as she kept on exploring with her eyes the mystifying beauty of this man made creation bathed in the majesty of nature. At the time where her mind had fully regained its alertness, she noticed that her beloved forest was becoming thicker, her park was getting closer. The air was slowly becoming filled with this comforting smell of fresh rain and humid soil that she enjoyed so.

For some reason, entering this man made park was always a thrilling experience.
It must be the way the leaves of the trees blend in perfectly with each other to create this picturesque path that hovered over her as she walked. As she entered this scene she loved so, she could never help herself but look up at the richly colored leaves glimmering in the sunlight . These were some of the scenes that made her life feel whimsical, if only for a few minutes. Walking in this park was like walking in a tableau mixed with moments where the tangibility of paradise was at the center stage and reality became its backdrop. This was her escape from the world as she knew it.

She always viewed nature as a gift;
One that made her heart filled with gratefulness and awe. This was the place where she could be safe; this is where she could think. Although, she thought it egoistic, she could not help but think that nature's beautiful landscapes were designed for her pleasure. In it she always finds serenity, because in it she always finds the one who relentlessly chases after her heart.

As she was softly called out of her dreamlike state by the one who tenderly woke her into consciousness, this time, she was ready to be still with the one who Loves her. Glad to have responded to His morning's Loving voice, she finally answered: "Here I am, Lord".

No matter what, sing on key!

"We are like singers in a large chorus. If the guy next to us gets off key, must we? We can learn to hold our part." - Melody Beattie

ALMOST (saved)

When I Don't Feel Like Praying...

"Nothing can be more foolish in prayer than to rush heedlessly into God's presence and ask the first thing that comes into our mind. When we first come into God's presence, we should be silent before Him. We should look up to Him to send His Holy Spirit to teach us how to pray. We must wait for the Holy Spirit and Surrender ourselves to the Spirit. Then, we will pray correctly.

Often, when we come to God in prayer, we do not feel like praying. What should we do in such a case? Cease praying until we feel like it? Not at all. When we feel least like praying is the time when we most need to pray. We should wait quietly before God and tell Him how cold and prayerless our hearts are. We should look up to Him, trust Him, and expect Him to send the Holy Spirit to warm our heart and draw us out in prayer. It will not be long before the glow of the Spirit's presence will fill our heart. We will begin to pray with freedom, directness, earnestness, and power. Many of the most blessed seasons of prayer I have ever known have begun with a feeling of utter deadness and prayerlessness. But, in my helplessness and coldness, I have cast myself upon God and looked to Him to send His Holy Spirit to teach me to pray. And, He has always done it.

When we pray in the Spirit, we will pray for the right things in the right way. There will be joy and power in our prayer."

- R.A. Torrey (How to Pray, 44-45)

Mature Prayer Life

"There is no more blessed training in prayer than that which comes through being compelled to ask again and again, over long periods of time, before obtaining what we seek from God. Many people call it submission to the will of God when God does not grant them their requests at the first or second asking. They say 'Well, perhaps it is not God's will.'

As a rule, this is not submission but spiritual laziness. We do not call it submission to the will of God when we give up after one or two efforts to obtain things by action. We call it lack of strength of character. When the strong man or woman of action starts out to accomplish a thing and does not accomplish it the first or second  or one-hundredth time, he or she keeps hammering away until it is accomplished. The strong man of prayer keeps on praying until he prays it through and obtains what he seeks. We should be careful about what we ask from God. But, when we do begin to pray for a thing, we should never give up praying for it until we receive it or until God makes it very clear and very definite that it is not His will to give it."

-R.A. Torrey (How to Pray, pp.51)

God and Saturn

Wrestling With God

In my room, I have this quote posted up of  Genesis 32:22 that says the following:

“I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

You see, as much as I have been blessed with so many beautiful memories and life experiences, I cannot ignore the many times where I have and still do wrestle with God. Quite frankly, I feel like my walk with God often tends to go back to this place of struggle. I have tried to resent those feelings of powerlessness; ignore those frustrations about certain aspects of my life. But, no matter how much I try to avoid God and do things my way or try to stay away from Him, every single time, I come to the conclusion that I cannot be at a better place in my life than to be alone with the Almight God wrestling out different issues until He blesses me with an answer. The fights are often long, they are often painful but, this kind of pain is so sweet compared to those times where I try to fight to make things work on my own. Here's how I break it down: I feel anxious when I am frustrated about not being able to control or fix a situation myself and I feel anguish when I am trying to make myself surrender a part of my life to God or am waiting on Him to bless me with freedom from a part of my sinful heart.

A friend sent me a really neat video today about this Scripture that I have posted on my wall. It's called

The Theology of the Cross and Walking with a Limp by Timothy Keller. It gave a really cool perspective to this Scripture passage that I am so fascinated with! I hope it blesses you with insight as it did for me :)

Hey by Leeland

Discerning God's Voice - JP Moreland

Hardship Fosters Growth - Joanne Jung

Why I'm Not An Atheist - JP Moreland, PhD

Faces of Addiction

Here is the work of a man who is trying to get to know those that many tend to avoid. It's challenging to think about the fact that there are people who try to make a change simply by developing relationships. It's so easy to walk passed people whom we feel we cannot help or change. But sometimes, the only thing that a person needs is to be heard.

His name is Chris Arnade and his project is called, you guessed it: Faces of Addiction.

But then, I am challenged with Scriptures such as these:

Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? (James 2:15-16, NIV)
or

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. (James 1:27, NIV)
or

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter— when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? (Isaiah 58:7-6, NIV -- read in context)
or

Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering. (Hebrews 13:3, NIV)
or


I [Christ] was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ (Matthew 25:36 ESV)

How then, am I supposed to respond?? I can't feed every single person, nor can I clothe each one of them. And, getting to know these people seems like committing to relationship building I do not have time or money to invest in just now. I am just a broke student with ideals, no money and a life of uncertainty ahead of her... How does one live out these Truths and instructions with so little to offer; so little resources?

Lord willing, in God's timing, an answer to this question will be made. Stay tuned as I try to stay in tune...

A Friend's Words of Wisdom

I was talking with a good friend about the constant fear and battle of trusting God with my life and these are the brilliant words she shared:

"Just because things don't happen the way you want them to and just because things don't happen the way you expect it to doesn't mean that things are not happening the way that God intended it to. We have eyes of the world and we see things according to the world but God is outside of this world and sees the bigger picture." - friend

Allow Me to Re-Introduce the Christ

Dried Paint

He creates purpose because He is the Artist. 
Without the stroke of His brush to guide our path, 
We simply move, unaware 
Of the meaning of our existence. 
We fight to create meaning for our lives 
But live with the frustration of never finding it; 
Choosing to be oblivious to the evidence that 
Our life is not our own.
We intentionally ignore the fact that 
Our value was assigned by Another.
We exist,
Only attached 
To the paintbrush of the artist. 
Why is this truth so difficult to embrace?

This Artist is passionate for His work! 
He loves His art and cherishes His creation. 
But, He can only do so much with dry paint!

Why not let Him add Life to this color that you are?
Why not let yourself gently move to the stroke of His brush? 
He sees the big picture; He knows where you fit best.
Before calling yourself worthless, 
Let this genius of beauty work His magic.

He knows what you don't know; 
He sees what you are blind to. 
The reality is that 
This Artist can make beauty out of anything 
Because He sees beauty in everything. 
This is the Creator of art, the Inventor of color! 
Adding Life to your color is what He does best.

So, let Him add life to your color 
So that 
You may also dance 
To the stroke of His brush; 
Letting yourself be part 
Of this beautiful masterpiece 
He affectionately calls
My Beloved.

Paint, sing or write!

“Our truest response to the irrationality of the world is to paint or sing or write, for only in such response do we find truth.”

—	Madeleine L’Engle

Lines Scribbled on an Envelope While Riding the 104 Broadway Bus

There is too much pain
I cannot understand
I cannot pray
I cannot pray for all the little ones with bellies bloated by starvation in India;
for all the angry Africans striving to be separate in a world struggling for wholeness;
for all the young Chinese men and women taught that hatred and killing are good and compassion evil;
or even all the frightened people in my own city looking for truth in pot or acid.

Here I am
and the ugly man with beery breath beside me reminds me that it is not my prayers that waken your concern, my Lord;
my prayers, my intercessions are not to ask for your love
for all your lost and lonely ones,
your sick and sinning souls,
but mine, my love, my acceptance of your love.
Your love for the woman sticking her umbrella and her expensive parcels into my ribs and snarling, “Why don’t you wants where you are going?”
Your love for the long-haired, gum chewing boy who shoves the old lady aside to grab a seat,
Your love for me, too, too tired to look with love,
to tired to look at Love, at you, in every person on the bus.
Expand my love, Lord, so I can help to bear the pain,
help your love move my love into the tired prostitute with false eyelashes and bunioned feet,
the corrupt policeman with his hand open for graft,
the addict, the derelict, the woman in the mink coat and discontented mouth,
the high school girl with heavy books and frightened eyes.

Help me through these scandalous particulars
to understand
your love.

Help me to pray.

- Madeline L’Engle

Strange how you can love...

“It’s a strange thing, how you can love somebody, how you can be all eaten up inside with needing them—and they simply don’t need you. That’s all there is to it, and neither of you can do anything about it. And they’ll be the same way with someone else, and someone else will be the same way about you and it goes on and on—this desperate need—and only once in a rare million do the same two people need each other.”

—	Madeleine L’Engle

Knowledge & Truth

“Knowledge is changeable. Truth is eternal. It is disastrous to confuse them.”

—	Madeleine L’Engle

Good thing God is bigger then our deficiencies!

Living the Calling of Loving

    "This is how we know what love is: 

Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.  

If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?  

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
    
 This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence:  

If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him.  
  
And this is his command: 

to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.  

The one who keeps God’s commands lives in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us."  - 1 John 3:16-24 (ESV)

Spare me some change

C’mon man! Spare some change.

I’m asking you for a dollar

And you can’t even spare me a look.

I ask you for a quarter,

And you can’t even spare me a smile.

You look at me,

But you see straight through me.

To you, I am just part of the scenery.

I am a stroke of color

On this tapestry of depravity;

A problem no one can fix.

But while you try to forget that I exist,

I, see straight through you too.

You say, “if they wanted they could make a change”

But I say, “If you wanted, you could make a change”

Spare me some change.

You say, “Time is money, money is time”

Spare me some time.

Hey! Stranger! Look at me when you see me!

I am more than an ornament

Or a piece of furniture that belongs to this city.

I am a citizen here too;

These quarters that you step on are part of my suburb.

What can I say?  I fell down on my luck

And got stuck in the system.

I'm not lazy, I'm just stuck.

If getting out of my situation was easy, trust me,

I’d be living in one of your suburbs already!

If I’m here, alone,

It’s because my family turned its back on me.

If I’m here, asking for change,

It’s because I’m trying to make a change to my situation;

Using your change is how I make a change in my life.

"But, this change, you’ll use for God-knows-what!" Is what I hear you say.

And you’re right!

You might agree or you most likely would disagree

Yet, who are you to judge?

You look down on me

Thinking that you will serve me better by ignoring me.

Who are you to be judge over how I will spend your extra coin?

The money that your boss gives you,
Do you always invest it wisely?

Do you constantly spend it responsibly?

You feed your gluttony, your malady

I feed the necessity of my reality

Like you, I do what I know best to soothe the cravings of the body that I live in.
Ultimately, we both aim for the same things.
The only difference is that our budgets and realities differ.

Stranger, you fear that I might spare this change on drugs and worsen my condition?

I fear you cannot spare your time making a change and help me improve my condition.

Maybe if you spared some time to show you care,

I might not need my addiction to console this lonely heart.

Maybe if you took the time to help me build and pursue a dream,

I might not need this drug to help me forget

That I’m stuck,

Cuz no one'll spare me some change.

My Prayer, Always...