Lines Scribbled on an Envelope While Riding the 104 Broadway Bus

There is too much pain
I cannot understand
I cannot pray
I cannot pray for all the little ones with bellies bloated by starvation in India;
for all the angry Africans striving to be separate in a world struggling for wholeness;
for all the young Chinese men and women taught that hatred and killing are good and compassion evil;
or even all the frightened people in my own city looking for truth in pot or acid.

Here I am
and the ugly man with beery breath beside me reminds me that it is not my prayers that waken your concern, my Lord;
my prayers, my intercessions are not to ask for your love
for all your lost and lonely ones,
your sick and sinning souls,
but mine, my love, my acceptance of your love.
Your love for the woman sticking her umbrella and her expensive parcels into my ribs and snarling, “Why don’t you wants where you are going?”
Your love for the long-haired, gum chewing boy who shoves the old lady aside to grab a seat,
Your love for me, too, too tired to look with love,
to tired to look at Love, at you, in every person on the bus.
Expand my love, Lord, so I can help to bear the pain,
help your love move my love into the tired prostitute with false eyelashes and bunioned feet,
the corrupt policeman with his hand open for graft,
the addict, the derelict, the woman in the mink coat and discontented mouth,
the high school girl with heavy books and frightened eyes.

Help me through these scandalous particulars
to understand
your love.

Help me to pray.

- Madeline L’Engle

My Prayer, Always...

Once Upon a Difficult Time...

Maybe that all I need is some God-time-me-time.

But shouldn’t God time only belong to God? 
Why am I in this equation the benefactor?

But me-time without God, is there such a thing?

If God is in me, whether I choose 
God-time or me-time, 
Isn't it still all His Time?

Me-Time or God-time?

I am lacking in both.

The lack of friend-time makes me miss  
Me-time-God-time.

What time?

Why time?

Time,
This very needed thing 
That slips 
Between 
Your fingers.

Please! I need
Silence…

Peace…

Lord, 
My cares 
are few 
but they are present.

They faintly shine before me, 
Begging for attention but,

I cannot give in.
I will not.

I say no 
To this distraction

That is,

My heart.

It feels as though by pursuing a dream,

By trying to make it closer,

I pushed those near my heart,

Away from my attention.

My obsession on success

Has made me a disinterest to those who liked me.

But friends are there in all seasons.

It just hurts to know that the interested number

Is few.

And the irony,
Is that thankfully,
In Time,

I have learned much,

I have grown much 
and my tolerance
Has grown much.

In His Time,
God makes a season
For every moment,
There is a time. 
And in due Time,
God-time-me-time
Will happen 
again 
in
Silence and
in Peace.

When I was busy being busy, I never noticed that I had a heart. I took for granted that it was beating.

But today, I chose to stop. I took the time to listen to the rhythm of my heart… and I noticed that it ached.

While I thought my heart was working healthily, it was bleeding. A small little crevice was letting out a small inconsistent squirt of crimson blood letting my life, slowly drip, between my fingers.

I was trying to survive as the fittest but being the fittest is only a myth that I fed myself to control a future in which I have no say. I had been bleeding but was so rushed by the adrenaline of performance that I forgot about the limits of my humanity; of this frail body.

A body can break. A body can be wounded. A body needs to be tended to. This heart, it needs God and it needs friendship. It needs time, for herself.

This heart has needs.

My mind may desire to control every part of my being but without the heart, the mind is pointless; the body is lifeless.

I give back this special place to my heart; this place that only a heart can successfully fill. Yes, mind and heart should be aligned, working with each other and not against. There is such a thing as concession that needs to happen even inside my soul. Mind and heart need to be friends. No more judgement. Both have weaknesses but with each other relying on Christ as ultimate reference and foundation, they will prevail to give me the peace, and satisfaction that I deserve to feel out of my life.

Lord, take my cares away, fill my heart with your joy again. Drench me in your peace and give me your ability to manage the unmanageable. Teach me priorities in more than just work. Teach me how to prioritize every aspect of my life into harmony. Make me a maestro of the tasks you grant me. I want the ability to make melody out of a mundane task and a challenge. Let me glorify you in all I do and please, Lord. Make me aware of the good that I do, and the things I need to work on. Please help me see clearly. Teach me to see things in perspective, viewing the whole picture.

Side Note: I found this in my computer without a date on it. I don't remember when I wrote this. It might have been this semester or last...

Back to September's Prayer

Lord,

Take back ownership

Of this

Broken City.

Shame on me

For I have built

Towers of Pride

And orned them

With
Pearled necklaces 
Of control.

Woe is me

For breaking the promise

I had given thee;

To let thy Father

Be forever my King.

Have pity on me

And break down again,

I pray,

The foundations of sin

I have laid.

Restore in me

The gift of humility;

Teach me to follow

Whomever You set above me;

Teach me to honor Your authority.

Oh! You mighty Author

Of all that I am.

Restore the pastureland

And be again my shepherd,

My master.

Be my refuge, my strength.

Let me dwell again

At your streams of life

Let I exalt you with my being.

Let my soul be consumed

With only you.

Be again, the king of this land,

Hear

A servant's plea.

September Prayer

I give me,

I give all,

I give all of me,

To you, 

Jesus.

You have died for me

And that is the death of me.

Lord, come.

Take precedence

Over what is 

No more

So that 

All 

May see

Your light

Alone.

I lay my watchman now to sleep,

If You fill this one desire,

I give You my sceptre to keep,

But Lord, I do require:

Let my city
Be 

Forever broken.

Set up your camps

And make
Pastures of peace

Where the public place

Once had its seat.

Rule,

Over what

You make of me

And in your camps of rest,

In your pastures of peace,

I will find a home.

Beautiful Conqueror,

Make ruins of my broken city

Provide instead,
I plea,

A fortress

Of Living Water:

Eternal security.

Lord, to You alone

And forever be all

The glory,

Au nom de Jésus-Christ,

Amen.

Prayer for the hopeless romantic

Here is a beautifully accurate prayer for a romantic such as myself:

I desire Your will above mine,

So even if you call me to a life of singleness,

My heart is content with YOU – the One who was sent.

YOU are the greatest love story ever told,

The greatest story ever known

You are forever my judge & I’m forever Your witness

And I pray that I’m always found on a mission about my Father’s business

Oh, I will always be Yours!

And I will always wait for You Lord, more than the watchmen wait for the morning…

More than the watchmen wait for the morning… I WILL WAIT ♥

Quote from Janette Ikz' Slam “I Will Wait…for You”