Failure, a fallible option.

FAIL!
The first word that jumps from the sea of my subconscious when I watch the Everest being planted before my eyes.

"We are more than conquerors in Christ" The first verse that comes to mind to counter this thought.

FALSE!
The first word that my sea of mystery hands to me as I think of calling to the Powerful and Almighty God for help.
And then, awakens my conscious mind to say:

"Ok, I'll try!... a little. I mean, I am made for great things!... but, clearly not that great..."

"YES! I AM a CONQUEROR in Christ!! .. for little things"
"YES! I AM VICTORIOUS! ...in small battles."

... "When I think about it, why try at all?" I finally tell myself.

Oh, Lord. Please break this thought pattern and make Yourself shine break through the lies that unfounded fears and insecurities have fed to me.

OK! BACK TO WORK! ... FOR REAL, this time!

Noisy Mind!

My mind is so noisy!

All I want to do is to create,

To think,

To spend time with people!

When I sit down to read for school,

My brain,

Simply does not want to take it.

It bombards me with random thoughts, ideas, memories…

It is so frustrating

Not to be able

To focus.

I just want to work on the task at hand

But my brain refuses to let me be

Academically productive.

Dear brain, SHUT UP!

I hide away from the noise because I say that it keeps me from focusing

I hide away from my room because I find it too constraining

I hide away from the school because I want a change of scenery

To every solution, I find a problem

Why am I so DISTRACTED?

Self, I know what I need to do.

Homework!

The will power is there,

I am willing

To put in

The time to work

But the brain power refuses

To work with my will

…Then, I wonder,

How strong is my will?

How long should I stare

At a page

Before my brain

Chooses to function?

Rereading sentences

Over and over

Becomes quite

Discouraging,

It gets frustrating.

How do I discipline my mind?

Am I tired?

Am I lacking some vitamins?

Omega 3,

Maybe?

I already worked out today,

So, that can’t be the problem.

Seriously! What is the matter?

I can’t allow myself a break

From doing nothing

All the time!

It is clearly not logical

It feels quite counter productive.

I feel overwhelmed!!!

I need good marks!

God! PLEASE!

HELP?

2 Corinthians 10:5

We demolish arguments

and every pretension

that sets itself up

against the knowledge of God,

We take captive

Every thought

To make it obedient

To Christ.

So Father, please!

Let me make captive my thoughts.

Give my mind discipline.

Give me a sound mind

Please,

Take away my fear of failure,

Let all I do be done out of Love,

Not out of duty,

And this,

Father,
Includes

My school work.

Lord, let my mind worship you,

Even when it doesn’t want to

So that someday,

I may,

Have the tools to do

What you want me to do.

I understand the season of my life

I must pursue my very best

Use this gift of opportunity

In every season,

So, I pray,

Come what may,

Let it be,

Your will in me.

Amen