Words

Sometimes, words only feel like words.

Funny shaped lines stuck one beside the other,

Referencing to an idea of the mind, of the heart.

What a peculiar concept…

There to express what I don’t understand,

I use them to try to explain to myself my own emotions,

Those that do not dare be expressed by themselves alone.

I use words to express what I wished I understood,

I try to better understand my heart with them.

From writing, sometimes I feel better understood

At other times, I feel more lost than before

Words are only words.

Why do I give them so much importance?

Why does anyone?

Sticks and stones can break my bones,

But words will never hurt me?

Words have built me,

Words have hurt me,

Words are healing to me.

Peculiar concept, are those words!

To think, that the use of words is what can affect

A person’s self-perception,

A person’s decision,

A person’s day.

And so, I say,

Sticks and stones

Can break my bones,

And words?

This heart,

Always

Will they touch.

Friendships?

Sometimes, I forget.

I forget why we need friendships.

I forget that me, myself, and I are not enough together.

I forget that my God is a God of relationship

I forget that He wants to be my friend, my family.

I forget that he wants to be with me every step of the way.

I forget that although my relationship with Christ is priceless,

My relationship with others is also.

I forget that God is the perfect definition of community

Community, through His own person,

The Holy Trinity;

God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit;

All are different but all are the same.

I forget that what is worth it is always hard work.

I forget that relationships are always a risk,

I forget that friendships are never easy,

I forget that my relationship with Christ requires effort.

Through it, we all have gained our salvation, our hope,

But through it, some have lost their lives, their comfort,

And through it, others have won their lives back, 
They have found 
Satisfaction.

I forgot that, by accepting Christ in one’s life,

Although there is gain, there is always risk,

Like in every relationship.

Like in every relationship, there is struggle,

There are joyful moments,

Moments of peace,

Of gentle silence.

There are moments of laughter,

Moments of discomfort,

Of quiet anger,
Of secret shame.

Moments of brokenness,

Moments to be supportive,

Moments to be supported,

Moments of selfishness,

Moments to argue, to confront,

Moments of hurts.

Nonetheless,

These are moments.

Moments with a friend,

One who cares,

One who is present,

Involved.

Here is

what makes friendship

so important.

The gain of relationship is always priceless,

With Christ and with people

But in friendship,

Although at times,

There may be awkward moments,

With a real friend,

There will always be

The right,

The comfort,

To be fully

Oneself.

My Definition of Thank You

Recently, I’ve been struggling with the concept of thankfulness. I noticed that there are so many things I could be thankful for, and instead of doing so, I focus on what makes me uncomfortable or what does not meet my expectations. So, after many reflections, here is the conclusion I have come up with:

Thank you is a simple word with a simple definition, underlying a subjective meaning to all who use its formula of convention.

Sometimes said with a sincere heart,

Usually used to recognize the graciousness of a gift.

It is the word used to show appreciation of something received,

Seldom used to hurt,

Often used to appreciate,

Rarely can it be used out of context as it is always a response of recognition to the giver of a gift,

This said, subjectively can this word be received depending on the context.

Saying it, thank you, is a word that can bring us back to humility;

A word that has the power to remind us that we do need others,

That we are loved for the simple reason that we are.

Thank you is a word that we sometimes hate to say because to say it is to accept a gift.

To say thank you goes hand in hand with the reminder of our inefficiency in a certain area;

To say thank you is to choose to appreciate the addition to your circumstance;

To say thank you may be a hurtful reminder of your present situation;

To say thank you is to choose to give grace to your maker for what is and does not need to be.

Saying thank you is to recognize as a gracious gift what we take for granted:

Thanking God for sunny days,

For rainy days,

For days of spring, budding with scents of new life,

For days of summer, where rest is a gift,
For days of autumn, filled with the bright colors of a beautiful camp fire, and an ever refreshing feel of mist  ,
For days of winter, where the vision of a wonderland can so easily take place before my eyes,

For a day at school where knowledge is a right that that you have which only ends when you so desire,

For times alone where learning to appreciate one’s own company and creativity is allowed,

For times with friends where the only task is to love others and be true to oneself.

Saying thank you for the evolution of time, where one is constantly learning how to better love others and grace oneself;

Saying thank you for the love that we receive without needing to seek for it;

Saying thank you for the grace that others extend to us in our worst moments;

Saying thank you for the opportunity to appreciate colors and smells;

Saying thank you for the opportunity to do sports, to achieve, to create;

Saying thank you for the right to speak one’s own mind,

Saying thank you for the right to walk and run without pain,

Saying thank you for the opportunity to use one’s voice to bless in words, song or silence;

Saying thank you for a love that is eternal from a God that loves freely…

In retrospect, I use this word not nearly enough!

And so, I let go of my expectations of what should be expected or what I have learned to believe as rightfully be mine. Pride, Expectation, I let go of you.

Instead, I will choose to appreciate what I have been given viewing all that I have as a temporary gift that is to be cherished as it comes. I will choose to be humble in my reception of all gifts, viewing them as blessings and touches of love from a being greater than I, from my Father who made the Heavens, and who made me only because He wanted to.

Lovestruck!

Hmmm…Lovestruck!

He said hi today.

He walked out of his way to greet me.

Okay,

Ridiculous are my reactions I am aware,

But I choose to ignore my feelings no more.

Repression and insecurity

I will ignore, as they make me weary

So instead, let me exaggerate

Let me say LOVESTRUCK!

“He loves me? He loves me not?”

Not!

I will choose not to fall into this purposeless game.

I will let my feelings be

I will let the control of my future

To someone who is greater than me

I will enjoy the present

And let God oversee my future.

So again, I say LOVESTRUCK!

Giddy is the feeling he leaves me with

Hence, giddy is what I will take.

My future belongs to Him

But if my God allows

At the moment for you,

Innocent flutter of the heart,

Let me hold on,

Let me enjoy this innocent feeling,

Let me keep it

Until the present is not more.

Until Next Time, Transition.

Dear Transition,

I hate you. As soon as I see the peak of your nose show through the blanket of my comfort, I know that there will be change to pay.

I know, Transition, that change is normal, that change is what makes life, life. It is what keeps things interesting and helps me grow and mature in adaptation. Still, I hate you.

I don’t like the fact that after the bazillions times that we have met, you still scare me. I have learned to recognize your face, your mannerisms. You egg me on in detaching myself or not attaching myself to what could soon be no more. 
Still, everytime. Everytime I try to find a home in the arms of the present reality, I try to ignore you, Transition. Ignore the fact that you, you, may choose to show yourself at any moment, taking away what I dared to call home.

Oh Transition, I know that you never sleep, you never rest. Still, I wish you did. I wish you did rest but I am thankful you don’t.

Yes, many times you have made me cry and wonder : “WHY?”, but you have made me stronger. You have challenged me to make a choice: “Will I be a victim of life’s mishaps or will I be a student, a student of life?” And as you already know, I have chosen to learn, to be a student of life, and this, with no regret.

Still, the word goodbye hits me like a dagger straight to the heart. Actually, no, I wish it was still the case. I have become numb to the pain. Only in the middle of the night does this pain that I have been trying to ignore the existence of, chooses to scream inside my chest. Like a demon, who will not let go of the hold, I cannot let go of the fear to again have to say it: “Goodbye.”.

Oh pain of Transition, I have tried in so many ways to try to ignore your existence. But you who never sleeps will not allow for such a thing to ever be the case. So, Transition, you have won the battle. You will always win the battle and I will always have something to loose.

But wait. Let me be fair to you. You have also brought good in my life. I have made new friends and learned new lessons that have made me a better person. I have been hurt and I have hurt. I have forgiven and I have been forgiven. Transition, you have thought me, reminded me of my humanity, my fallenness and the beauty of my uniqueness.

In all, Transition, I hate you but I thank you. You scare me and although in this, I have learned to trust God, I still fear you, who are unpredictable. 
Can we ever make peace? Will we ever be friends? Only God knows. All I know is your restless existence. All I know is my restless desire for peace and security. All I know is that these two natures are at odds.

But, when I think it over,peace and security can only be found in God. So why do I try to conquer this desire on my own strength? Peace and security can only be found in God who is outside of time, outside of you, Transition. And, in this, you will never win.

So, never will I ignore your existence as you cannot be ignored. But instead of dreading you, I will make the best of every moment I am given, with every being and condition I am blessed with, at this moment in my life, at the present.

 I will choose to let the present be the gift of the season until you, Transition, choose to hand me another gift filled with unknown laughs, tears, lessons, and relationships.

Until next time, Transition.

Sincerely,

                                                                                                                                                                              Lily

" Never say good-bye because good-bye means going away, and going away means forgetting."
Peter Pan

Patience, ma délicate...(English Version)

Patience. Patience, Lily.

A word I used so many times to try to heal a broken heart.

“It is not yet time for you to fall in love, I tell myself”.

“Why don’t you take this time to heal, Lily?”

“Wait. Patience. You will know when it happens”.

But, as I use the word patience to protect an innocent heart in love,

I tend to ask myself if the word insecurity did not find its way into the word I use to hope that one day the word romance would be part of my everyday life.

So, then, is making the first step in a dance for two the solution?

Weird, me who has always wanted to believe that in a pas de deux, it is the man who leads in love…

Oh! What a beautiful concept: a man who desires and pursues me. Who guides and holds me. Who makes me twirl and makes me soar. Who says follow me with the only desire to appreciate me.

Oh! My dear, patience! Chivalry is not dead but precious pearls are rare. Take then notice my dear, that fear does not reside in patience.

Initiating? You will know when to do so, believe me. Learn to appreciate and recognize the good before you. Only then, will you know how to appreciate the beautiful before your face.

A voice keeps me, a voice tells me: “I adjure you young girl! Do not stir up, do not awaken love until it pleases”.

Just like a rose must, in its own maturity blossom in its own time, love, it is not impatient.

Although passion burns in your heart, do not give into it. It is in patience that resides mature love.

Force the petals of a rosebud before its time and hard will it be for you to imagine the full potential that this rose could have had.

If too quickly you try to open your rose, the great consequence of your action will be the need to double in patience hoping that the blossom of your rose will finally be made with grace one day.

My dear, just like a rare pearl, from a grain of sand demands time to become precious, the rose also, delicate as it is, demands time for it to blossom.

So then, patience, patience my delicate: “Do not stir up, do not awaken love until it pleases”.

Patience, ma délicate...

Patience. Patience, Lily.

Un mot que j’ai utilisé tant de fois afin de tenter de  guérir un cœur brisé.

« Ce n’est pas encore le temps pour toi de tomber en amour, me dis-je ».

« Prends donc le temps de grandir, de guérir, Lily».

« Attends. Patience. Tu le sauras quand ça arrivera».

Mais, au fur et à mesure d’utiliser le mot patience pour protéger un cœur innocent dans l’amour,

Je tends à me demander si le mot insécurité ne se serait pas faufilé dans le mot que j’utilise pour espérer qu’un jour le mot romance fasse partie de mon quotidien.

Donc, alors, est-ce que faire le premier pas d’une danse pour deux est la solution?

Bizarre, moi qui ai toujours voulu croire que dans un pas de deux, c’est l’homme qui mène en amour…

Ah! Quel beau concept! Un homme qui me désire et me poursuit! Qui me guide et qui m’enlace, qui me fait tournoyer et puis voleter. Qui me dit suis moi avec pour seul désir de m’apprécier.

Ah! Ma chère, patience! La galanterie n’est pas morte mais les perles précieuses sont rares. Prends donc note, ma chère, que la peur ne réside pas dans la patience.

Initier? Tu sauras quand le faire, crois-moi. Apprends à apprécier et reconnaître le bon en face de toi. Seulement là, sauras-tu apprécier le beau devant ta face.

Une voix me garde, une voix me dit : « Je te supplie jeune fille! Ne réveille pas, ne réveille pas l’amour avant qu’elle le veuille».

Tout comme une rose doit, dans sa propre maturité éclore en son temps, l’amour, elle, n'est pas impatiente.

Bien que la passion brûle dans ton cœur, ne lui cède pas. C’est dans la patience que réside l’amour mature.

Force les pétales d’un bouton de rose avant son temps et difficile sera-t-il pour toi d’imaginer le plein potentiel que cette rose aurait pu avoir.

Si trop vite tu tentes d’ouvrir ta rose, la grande conséquence de ton acte sera de devoir redoubler de patience en espérant que l’éclos de ta rose se fera avec grâce un jour.

Ma chère, tout comme une perle rare, d’un grain de sable demande le temps de devenir précieuse, la rose aussi, délicate comme elle est, demande le temps d’éclore.

Alors, patience, ma délicate : «Ne réveille pas, ne réveille pas l’amour avant qu' elle le veuille».